ANOTHER pointless Ranma fic
by FalafelPrincessC
Summary: I have no idea really what this fic will be about, but hopefully I'll be able to fit in some lovely romance, action, and, of course, loads of junk. Enjoy!
1. Ketchup

**Disclaimers: **I do NOT own Ranma 1/2 ::sob::. I may add in a few of me own characters later on, though, and those I will own. However, Ranma _is _MINE, as in he is supposed to come around and ask me out any day now, as soon as he gets out of those manga novels/anime t.v. shows he's confined to. Then I get to take Akane's place.

This is going to be an extremely short chapter. The whole fic may become a short chapter story. Be sure to review!

"Akane!"

The dark-haired girl looked up, sweat running down her face from her extensive exercises. Gasping slightly, she brushed a strand of short hair away from her forehead and looked down at the pile of chunks that used to be solid bricks, lying on the floor of the Tendo family dojo.

"Yeah, Kasumi?" she asked, running into the kitchen.

"Ranma's missing...would you go out and look for him?" the eldest Tendo girl asked, stirring whatever was in a pot on the stove.

Kasumi had barely finished her sentence when a familiar black pig ran in, squealing in alarm.

"P-chan!" Akane cried, sweeping the pig up in her arms and holding him tight to her chest. The little pig squealed frantically, protesting her embrace for the first time.

Akane held P-chan out at arm's length to peer at him carefully. "Is there something wrong?" she asked, as if the pig could give her an answer. Setting him down, she furrowed her brow suddenly. She gasped, clapping a hand to her mouth.

"Ranma took P-chan out with him – I think he's trying to tell me something – is Ranma okay?" she asked the creature. In reply, it ran out the door with Akane following, crying "P-chan!" Running as fast as its little legs could carry it, the pig scurried around corners and along streets until Akane lost track of where they were. Then she saw _Ranma!"_ she cried. He lay in his male form, eyes closed, on the cold ground in an alley, blood running down his face.

Akane ran to his side, fear pounding in her heart. "Ra...ranma!" She shook him fiercely, tears forming in her eyes. "_Wake up, you jerk!"_

P-chan tugged at her sleeve suddenly. "WHAT?" Akane screamed. The pig walked over to an overturned container of fries, and Akane realized that the blood seemed a bit chunky...

"Ketchup?" Tentatively, she dipped her finger in the red stuff and, grimacing, licked it. She lay her head down on Ranma's chest and heard a steady heartbeat. He was only unconscious.

Akane began to turn red. "Ranma, you _jerk!" _she cried as she slapped him.

"Wha...huh?" he mumbled. Groaning, he sat up and looked straight into Akane's tear-streaked face. "What's wrong?"

"I thought you were _dead, _idiot!"

Ranma wiped his face. "Ugh, ketchup. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm alive and fit!" He sprang up to a standing position.

"Why do you have ketchup all over your face?" Akane said, still angry.

"'Cuz the packet exploded in my face."

"_Why were you on the ground?"_

"'Cuz..." Ranma scratched his head suddenly. "I don't remember."

Akane's eyes narrowed to little slits. "You don't _remember?"_

Ranma looked confused. "No..."

P-chan jumped into Akane's arms. "Well, you ought to thank P-chan, or else I wouldn't have found you."

Ranma cocked his head and said airily, "Oh, thanks, _P-chan."_

P-chan bit Ranma's hand in reply.


	2. A Party?

Back at the Tendo residence, Akane was tending to the unconscious P-chan while scolding Ranma.

"You shouldn't have hit him!" she was insisting.

Ranma scowled. "He _bit _me!" he argued.

Akane turned to Ranma in exasperation. "He's only a poor little pig!" she yelled. "You shouldn't use your strength against defenseless animals!"

"He's _not_ defenseless! He _bites!"_

Akane glared at Ranma for a moment, then returned to P-chan, who was beginning to come to.

"Ooh, poor P-chan," Akane crooned. "Are you okay?"

"Bwee!" replied the pig. Ranma stuck his tongue out behind Akane's back. Frowning, Akane reached backward and threw Ranma outside. "Stay out and stop annoying P-chan!"

She picked up the black pig and held him to her chest.

"Heheh!" the pig said.

Akane dropped the pig in shock. "Happosai!" she screamed, and threw him out behind Ranma.

"You two perverts stay away from me and P-chan!" she yelled at them.

"Who you calling a pervert?" Ranma yelled back.

"You!"

"I am _not_ a pervert! I—"

"Nihao!" cried a familiar voice. Akane turned slightly to the unwelcome sight of Shampoo, her long dark hair flowing behind her as she bicycled towards them.

"Shampoo!" Happosai cried happily, throwing himself at her. He was stopped by a blow from Cologne, as wrinkled as ever.

"Ranma honey!" another voice called. Ukyo appeared at Ranma's side. "Hey there, Ran-chan," she said, beaming.

"What Ukyo want with Ranma?" Shampoo demanded.

"Why is everybody at my house?!" Akane cried.

"For the party, of course!" Ukyo said, throwing her arms around Ranma. He sidled out of her grip and stood by Akane.

"Uh... I think I'll go inside," he said uneasily, but Akane grabbed his collar and hissed, "What party?"

Genma Saotome ran outside suddenly, arms full of balloons. Akane grabbed him as well. "_What is going on?"_ she yelled.

"Akane!" Ryoga stood beside her, holding a rose.

Akane released Genma and Ranma and threw her hands up in exasperation. "Okay, somebody tell me what's going on or _else!"_

"It's an engagement party," Soun Tendo said, following Genma around the yard, decorating everything with balloons and ribbons.

"A _what?!"_

"We decided that it's very confusing the way you both have acquired so many fiancées, so this is your chance to choose the one you want!"

Akane stared at her father, fists clenched. She opened her mouth to say something, but then all the boys from her school barged in, crying, "Pick me, Akane! Pick me!" Akane blew up. "AAHHHH!" she screamed in anger as she ran inside.


	3. Confusion

Soun turned to Genma. "Think we should have told her about it first?"

Meanwhile, Ranma was having an interesting time trying to escape Ukyo and Shampoo. "Lucky nobody's here for my female side," he muttered to himself, firmly untangling himself from Shampoo's arms. "Then we'd really have a mess."

Akane burst back out. "Ranma! Are you really going to stand for this?!"

Ranma' head swiveled around. "Huh? No way! I'll marry whoever I want, when I want!"

Akane glared. "Then you'd better get Ukyo off, or she'll drag you to the nearest church!"

Ranma sighed and pushed Ukyo gently. "Maybe I _will_ marry Ukyo," he told Akane.

"Of _course_ you're marrying me!" Ukyo said surely. "Who else?"

"Um, _me,_ perhaps?" Akane blurted, then slapped a hand over her mouth.

Ranma stopped in mid-step. "_Huh?_"

"I mean, only if our fathers make us. Who'd want to be married to a pervert like you?"

Ranma was in her face instantly. "_I am NOT a pervert!" _he yelled.

"Yes you ARE!" Akane retorted, shoving her face so far into Ranma's that their noses touched suddenly. It was that small contact that stopped them both and had them looking – no one dared call it _gazing_ – into each other's eyes.

Akane could count on one hand the amount of times she'd been this close to Ranma. But their noses hadn't really touched. Oh, for God's sake, she told herself briskly, it's just one little touch! But why was her heart beating rather loudly – again?

"Ranma!" cried Shampoo, tearing Ranma away from the eye lock. "You going to kiss Akane?!"

"NO WAY!" Ranma cried. "Who'd want to kiss a macho chick like her anyways?" he asked, flipping his braid over his shoulder.

"ME!" cried Kuno, who immediately rushed up to Akane, swept her into his arms and said, "Dearest Akane, I know how Ranma has hurt you. Now trust in me and allow me to ask you out!"

"WHA? Um, Kuno," Akane said, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead, "Ranma has NOT broken my heart, and I will _never go out with you!"_

"Me!" "No, me!" "Go out with _me, _Akane!" the boys from Furikan High School shouted.

"Now, if you'd please put me down—" Akane stopped short as Kuno's head dipped down – to try to kiss her!

At once, Kuno's head was attacked by Ranma's foot, Ryoga's umbrella, and the school boys' random things such as apples, schoolbooks, and a paperclip.

Akane's face became visible once again, bright red and with a hand covering her mouth.

"Don't you _ever_ try to foul Akane's mouth again!" Ranma yelled.

"Shut up, Ranma, I can handle this myself!" Akane yelled back.

"Well, pardon me if I try to make sure no other boys kiss you!" Ranma shouted. At once, everything was a bit quieter.

"..._no other boys kiss you!"_

Murmurs began to erupt from the crowd. "No _other_ boys—" "What did he mean by that?" "Hey, he _likes_ Akane!" "She's mine!"

Ranma's cheeks turned red. Akane stared at him.

"Why'd you say that?" Akane asked quietly.

"Because I can't stand the thought of someone else's lips touching you," Ranma said, ducking his head.

"Someone _else's?_" Akane asked, feeling a bit lightheaded.

Ranma drew closer. "Yeah...only mine I'm okay with," he murmured, face dropping down towards hers.

_BA-DMP, BA-DMP,_ went Akane's heart as she began to close her eyes.

"Gotcha!" Ranma cried, poking Akane and sending her toppling over.

Akane's face was redder than a tomato. "Ranma, you JERK!" she yelled, slapping him. "Go ahead and marry whoever you want! See if I care! I think I'll kiss whoever I want!"

She stormed inside, past Kasumi, who was on her way out.

"Um, Father, what's wrong with Akane?" she asked Soun.

"She's upset again," was the reply.

"I could see that," Kasumi sighed. She went back into the house, up the stairs, and knocked on Akane's door.

"Who is it?" asked a teary voice.

"It's Kasumi," she replied.

After a moment the door opened, and Kasumi was faced with her teary-eyed sister.

"Akane, what happened?" Kasumi came in, closing the door behind her and sitting with Akane on her bed.

"Ranma pretended to try to kiss me and then he pushed me and – and – oh, I don't _know_ what I'm so upset about!" Akane sobbed. "He's such a _jerk!"_

"Maybe you like him," Kasumi said gently.

"WHA?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR _MIND?!_ I'M CRYING BECAUSE HE HUMILIATED ME AND YOU SUGGEST I _LIKE_ HIM?!"

"Maybe."

Akane stared at her sister. "How can you say something like that?"

"Because I've seen how you two act around each other."

"Yeah, he calls me a macho chick and I beat him up. What's so remarkable about that?"

"I know he likes you."

"WHA?!?!?"

"Oh yes. And I think you like him too."

Akane's jaw would have left her head if it'd dropped any farther. "You're crazy," she told her sister. "Absolutely nuts. You're off your rocker. Missing some marbles."

"Before you run out of ways to tell me I'm wrong, let me excuse myself," Kasumi said, and she left, closing the door behind her.

"Me and Ranma liking each other?" Akane mused to herself. "Ha! Fat chance!"

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A/N: Okey-day, folks, hope you liked that, you know what to do! ::points to button:: Review!


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